Every family before us had been interested in four-year-old Josie\u2014until they learned that adopting her also meant welcoming her sixteen-year-old brother, Jace.<\/p>\n
My husband and I said yes to both of them.<\/p>\n
Then, about a month after they moved into our home, their former foster mother called me and asked a question I never expected.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey still haven\u2019t told you why they chose you?\u201d<\/p>\n
My husband, Daniel, and I had spent five years trying to become parents before finally accepting that pregnancy probably wasn\u2019t going to happen for us.<\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t because we wanted children any less.<\/p>\n
We were simply exhausted.<\/p>\n
Exhausted by appointments.<\/p>\n
Tests.<\/p>\n
Medication.<\/p>\n
Hope followed by disappointment.<\/p>\n
One night, after another difficult doctor\u2019s visit, I sat on the kitchen floor crying.<\/p>\n
Daniel lowered himself beside me.<\/p>\n
For a while, neither of us said anything.<\/p>\n
Then he quietly said,<\/p>\n
\u201cWe still have room in our lives. We could adopt.\u201d<\/p>\n
Eight months later, we met Josie.<\/p>\n
She was four years old, with soft brown curls, enormous dark eyes, and a smile that seemed to appear cautiously, as though she wasn\u2019t entirely sure she was allowed to show it.<\/p>\n
She sat at a little table in the agency\u2019s family room, coloring what looked like a purple dog.<\/p>\n
Daniel crouched beside her.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s a beautiful dog.\u201d<\/p>\n
Josie looked up.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a wolf.\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel nodded seriously.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen that is an excellent wolf.\u201d<\/p>\n
She studied him for a few seconds.<\/p>\n
Then she laughed.<\/p>\n
And just like that, I felt something shift inside me.<\/p>\n
I know people tell prospective adoptive parents not to expect some magical, instant connection.<\/p>\n
We had been warned about that too.<\/p>\n
But the moment I looked at Josie, I cared about her.<\/p>\n
Deeply.<\/p>\n
Then our caseworker, Rebecca, asked Daniel and me to step into the hallway.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s something important you need to know,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
Josie had an older brother.<\/p>\n
His name was Jace.<\/p>\n
He was sixteen.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re being placed together,\u201d Rebecca explained. \u201cWe don\u2019t want them separated.\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel looked at me.<\/p>\n
I asked the first question that came to mind.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere is he?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDown the hall.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why isn\u2019t he in here meeting us?\u201d<\/p>\n
Rebecca hesitated.<\/p>\n
That pause told me there was more to the story.<\/p>\n
\u201cA number of families have shown interest in Josie,\u201d she said carefully. \u201cBut once they learn that Jace is part of the placement, they reconsider.\u201d<\/p>\n
I felt embarrassed for people I had never even met.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause he\u2019s sixteen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTeenagers are harder to place.\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel folded his arms.<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes he have serious behavioral issues?\u201d<\/p>\n
Rebecca chose her words carefully.<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing beyond what you might reasonably expect from a teenager who has experienced a lot of instability.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then she added,<\/p>\n
\u201cJace understands why the other families changed their minds.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd he thinks we\u2019re going to change ours too?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
Rebecca was quiet for a moment.<\/p>\n
Finally, she said,<\/p>\n
\u201cI think Jace expects adults to prove that they mean what they say.\u201d
\nThat sentence stayed in my mind.<\/p>\n
A few minutes later, Jace came into the room.<\/p>\n
He was tall and thin, wearing a gray hoodie even though the room was warm.<\/p>\n
His hair fell over his forehead.<\/p>\n
Rebecca introduced us.<\/p>\n
Jace gave us a single nod.<\/p>\n
No smile.<\/p>\n
Josie, however, immediately ran to him.<\/p>\n
We spent almost two hours together that afternoon.<\/p>\n
Josie talked enough for everyone.<\/p>\n
Jace mostly gave one-word answers.<\/p>\n
Daniel asked him if he liked sports.<\/p>\n
\u201cBasketball sometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat position?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGuard.\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cI played guard in high school.\u201d<\/p>\n
For the first time, Jace really looked at him.<\/p>\n
Josie looked up too.<\/p>\n
Jace raised an eyebrow.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou played guard?\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI used to move faster before my knees became eighty years old.\u201d<\/p>\n
A tiny smile appeared on Jace\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
At the time, I noticed Josie watching them.<\/p>\n
I assumed she was simply listening.<\/p>\n
Later, Rebecca suggested we all have dinner together during our next visit.<\/p>\n
I asked Josie what she liked to eat.<\/p>\n
\u201cMac and cheese.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then I turned toward Jace.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about you?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked genuinely surprised.<\/p>\n
\u201cMe?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you. Unless you\u2019re planning to survive on whatever Josie leaves behind.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jace glanced at his little sister.<\/p>\n
Josie was already watching us.<\/p>\n
\u201cI eat everything,\u201d she announced proudly. \u201cYou won\u2019t get leftovers.\u201d<\/p>\n
Everyone laughed.<\/p>\n
It felt completely ordinary.<\/p>\n
Maybe that was why the moment mattered so much.<\/p>\n
A few weeks later, Rebecca called us.<\/p>\n
The placement was moving forward.<\/p>\n
Soon, we brought both children home.<\/p>\n
Josie cried the first night.<\/p>\n
And the second.<\/p>\n
And again a few nights later.<\/p>\n
Sometimes she woke screaming for Jace.<\/p>\n
Before Daniel or I could even reach her room, Jace would already be standing beside her bed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m here,\u201d he would say. \u201cYou\u2019re okay.\u201d<\/p>\n
He never mentioned that Daniel and I were nearby too.<\/p>\n
I noticed.<\/p>\n
I tried not to let it hurt.<\/p>\n
Then one morning, Josie woke up before Jace.<\/p>\n
Instead of going to his room, she wandered into ours.<\/p>\n
Without asking, she climbed into the bed between Daniel and me and immediately fell asleep again.<\/p>\n
A little while later, Jace appeared in our doorway.<\/p>\n
He stopped when he saw her.<\/p>\n
For a moment, he just stood there.<\/p>\n
Then, instead of calling Josie back to him, he quietly walked away.<\/p>\n
Jace was much harder to understand.<\/p>\n
He was polite.<\/p>\n
Almost too polite.<\/p>\n
He never asked for anything.<\/p>\n
He ate whatever I cooked.<\/p>\n
He cleaned up after himself.<\/p>\n
His bedroom was always unnaturally neat.<\/p>\n
After about a week, I realized why.<\/p>\n
He hadn\u2019t unpacked.<\/p>\n
His clothes were still inside two duffel bags.<\/p>\n
His books stayed in his backpack.<\/p>\n
His shoes were lined up beside his suitcase.<\/p>\n
One afternoon, I said,<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know you\u2019re allowed to use the dresser and closet.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
But he made no move toward his bags.<\/p>\n
I wanted to ask him why.<\/p>\n
Something stopped me.<\/p>\n
I had a feeling that if I pushed too hard, he would only close himself off even more.
\nSo I stopped mentioning it.<\/p>\n
But every few days, I found myself glancing into his room.<\/p>\n
The bags never moved.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, little pieces of Jace slowly started appearing throughout the rest of the house.<\/p>\n
A basketball beside the back door.<\/p>\n
His favorite cereal in the pantry.<\/p>\n
His phone charger permanently occupying an outlet in the kitchen.<\/p>\n
Everywhere except his bedroom, he was beginning to leave evidence that he lived with us.<\/p>\n
His room still looked like somewhere he might leave at any moment.<\/p>\n
A month passed.<\/p>\n
Josie began calling our house \u201chome.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jace stopped calling Daniel and me \u201csir\u201d and \u201cma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then, one evening at dinner, Daniel made a terrible joke about pasta.<\/p>\n
Jace laughed so hard that milk came out of his nose.<\/p>\n
Josie screamed with laughter.<\/p>\n
I laughed until my stomach hurt.<\/p>\n
For a few minutes, no one was being careful.<\/p>\n
No one was studying everyone else\u2019s mood.<\/p>\n
No one seemed to be waiting for something bad to happen.<\/p>\n
Then Jace reached across the table and stole a piece of garlic bread from Daniel\u2019s plate.<\/p>\n
Daniel smacked his hand away.<\/p>\n
\u201cGet your own.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jace grinned.<\/p>\n
Then he stole it anyway.<\/p>\n
It was such a small, ridiculous thing.<\/p>\n
But something about it made my chest tighten.<\/p>\n
For the first time since moving in, Jace was behaving like a teenager who expected to still be sitting at that table tomorrow.<\/p>\n
I remember looking around and thinking,<\/p>\n
This is starting to feel like a family.<\/p>\n
The next afternoon, my phone rang.<\/p>\n
It was Marlene.<\/p>\n
She had been Jace and Josie\u2019s foster mother before they came to us.<\/p>\n
She had called once earlier to see how they were adjusting.<\/p>\n
I liked her.<\/p>\n
She clearly cared about both children.<\/p>\n
I told her that Josie had started preschool and that Jace had joined an after-school basketball program.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe laughs more now,\u201d I said. \u201cNot constantly, but definitely more.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s good.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd Josie is sleeping through most nights.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then I mentioned that Jace had helped Daniel cook dinner the previous evening.<\/p>\n
Marlene\u2019s voice changed.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe actually cooked with Daniel?\u201d<\/p>\n
Something about the way she said it made me pause.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. Why?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
She answered too quickly.<\/p>\n
Then there was silence.<\/p>\n
Not an ordinary silence.<\/p>\n
Something had shifted.<\/p>\n
\u201cMarlene? Is everything okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. I just\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
She stopped.<\/p>\n
Then she asked,<\/p>\n
\u201cThey still haven\u2019t told you why they chose you?\u201d<\/p>\n
At first, I smiled because I thought I had misunderstood her.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy they what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cChose you.\u201d<\/p>\n
My smile disappeared.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n
Marlene hesitated again.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what I thought.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou need to ask Rebecca why the kids chose your family.\u201d<\/p>\n
Before I could ask anything else, Marlene apologized and ended the call.<\/p>\n
I stood in the kitchen staring at my phone.<\/p>\n
They chose us?<\/p>\n
Throughout the entire adoption process, I had assumed Daniel and I were the ones being evaluated.<\/p>\n
Were we suitable parents?<\/p>\n
Was our home appropriate?<\/p>\n
Were we capable of meeting the children\u2019s needs?<\/p>\n
Apparently, the children had been evaluating us too.<\/p>\n
And suddenly, everything about Jace came rushing back to me.<\/p>\n
The guarded answers.<\/p>\n
The watchful expression.<\/p>\n
The bags he still hadn\u2019t unpacked.<\/p>\n
When Daniel got home, I told him about Marlene\u2019s call.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey chose us?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cApparently.\u201d<\/p>\n
We called Rebecca.<\/p>\n
After I explained what Marlene had said, Rebecca went quiet.<\/p>\n
Then she said,<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought Jace had already told you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTold us what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAfter your first meeting, I asked the kids how they felt about your family. Jace came back to me and said they wanted to be placed with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel and I stared at each other.<\/p>\n
Jace had barely spoken during that first meeting.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe specifically asked for our family?\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
Rebecca paused.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think that\u2019s something you should ask Jace.\u201d<\/p>\n
After the call ended, my mind went straight back to his bedroom.<\/p>\n
The unopened bags.<\/p>\n
The suitcase beside the wall.<\/p>\n
Jace had specifically requested to live with us.<\/p>\n
So why had he spent the entire month preparing as though he might have to leave at any moment?<\/p>\n
That evening, I almost decided not to bring it up.<\/p>\n
Then I saw the suitcase again.<\/p>\n
What bothered me wasn\u2019t the fact that Jace had kept something from us.<\/p>\n
It was the contradiction.<\/p>\n
He had apparently asked to come here.<\/p>\n
Yet he behaved as though Daniel and I might send him away at any time.<\/p>\n
The two things didn\u2019t seem to fit together.<\/p>\n
After dinner, Josie climbed onto the couch with her coloring book.<\/p>\n
Jace was rinsing his plate at the sink when Daniel spoke.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, Jace. Can we talk for a minute?\u201d<\/p>\n
Jace froze.<\/p>\n
It lasted less than a second.<\/p>\n
But I saw it.<\/p>\n
His entire body seemed to prepare for something bad.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing bad,\u201d Daniel assured him.<\/p>\n
Jace\u2019s eyes immediately moved toward Josie.<\/p>\n
That tiny reaction broke my heart.<\/p>\n
Even before knowing what we wanted, his first instinct was to check on his sister.<\/p>\n
We sat down at the kitchen table.<\/p>\n
I told him about Marlene\u2019s call.<\/p>\n
His face changed.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe said something I didn\u2019t understand,\u201d I continued. \u201cShe asked whether you had ever told us why you picked us.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jace stared at the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cRebecca also said you were the one who told her you wanted our family.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWould you tell us why?\u201d<\/p>\n
His eyes moved toward the living room.<\/p>\n
Josie was still coloring.<\/p>\n
Finally, Jace answered.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause Josie picked you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Of all the explanations I had imagined, that was not one of them.<\/p>\n
\u201cJosie?\u201d<\/p>\n
I glanced toward the tiny girl on our couch.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe was four.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jace rubbed his thumb against the edge of the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cExactly.\u201d<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
\u201cNobody listens to her about important things because she\u2019s little,\u201d he explained. \u201cThey ask her what toy she wants or which cup she wants. But when something actually matters, adults decide everything for her.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked toward his sister.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo when Josie told me she wanted you guys, I made sure Rebecca listened.\u201d<\/p>\n
Suddenly, it made perfect sense.<\/p>\n
Jace had spent a month avoiding asking for almost anything for himself.<\/p>\n
But when his little sister wanted something, he made sure an adult heard her.<\/p>\n
Josie must have heard her name because she looked up.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
Jace motioned for her to come over.<\/p>\n
She jumped off the couch and squeezed herself between us at the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cJace says you picked us,\u201d I told her.<\/p>\n
Josie nodded like it was the most obvious thing in the world.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
She immediately pointed toward her brother.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou talked to him.\u201d<\/p>\n
I almost laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat was all?\u201d<\/p>\n
Josie frowned at me as though I was missing something extremely important.<\/p>\n
\u201cEverybody talks to me,\u201d she explained. \u201cThey play with me and give me snacks.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then her expression became serious.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut they don\u2019t talk TO Jace. They talk ABOUT Jace.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jace lowered his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did they say?\u201d I asked gently.<\/p>\n
Josie answered without hesitation.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey ask if he\u2019s bad. Or if he gets angry. Or if he could live somewhere else.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jace\u2019s jaw tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cOne lady said she wanted me,\u201d Josie continued, \u201cbut her house was too small for Jace.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jace spoke quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cAfter that, Josie wouldn\u2019t talk to her anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n
Josie shrugged.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe didn\u2019t want my brother.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was something almost startling about the certainty in her voice.<\/p>\n
She leaned against Jace.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo I stopped caring if people were nice to me.\u201d
\nDaniel swallowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did you care about?\u201d<\/p>\n
Josie looked directly at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf they were nice to Jace.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then she turned toward me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou asked him what he wanted for dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked at Daniel.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you talked to him about basketball.\u201d<\/p>\n
Suddenly, I remembered Jace\u2019s surprised expression when I asked him what food he liked during that first meeting.<\/p>\n
And I remembered Josie sitting nearby, watching everything.<\/p>\n
She wrapped both arms around Jace\u2019s waist.<\/p>\n
\u201cEverybody wanted me,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
Then she looked at Daniel and me.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I only wanted somebody who wanted him just as much.\u201d<\/p>\n
For a moment, none of us spoke.<\/p>\n
I could barely breathe.<\/p>\n
Then I looked at Jace.<\/p>\n
There was still one question I needed answered.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf Josie chose us and you told Rebecca you wanted to come here\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
I hesitated.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy haven\u2019t you unpacked?\u201d<\/p>\n
Jace became very still.<\/p>\n
Finally, he said,<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause people change their minds.\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel leaned closer.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe weren\u2019t going to.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jace looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know that now.\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel stopped.<\/p>\n
Jace lowered his eyes again.<\/p>\n
\u201cPeople always want her at first,\u201d he explained. \u201cSometimes they think they can handle having me too. Then eventually they get tired of me being there.\u201d<\/p>\n
My throat tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo I figured I\u2019d wait.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor what?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
This time, he looked directly at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor the moment you decided you didn\u2019t want me anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n
The hardest part wasn\u2019t the words.<\/p>\n
It was how calmly he said them.<\/p>\n
He wasn\u2019t trying to make us feel guilty.<\/p>\n
He wasn\u2019t accusing us.<\/p>\n
He was simply describing something he had learned to expect.<\/p>\n
And suddenly, those packed bags no longer looked like luggage.<\/p>\n
They looked like protection.<\/p>\n
Armor.<\/p>\n
A way to make sure he could leave quickly when the adults changed their minds again.<\/p>\n
I wanted to tell him we never would.<\/p>\n
That he was safe.<\/p>\n
That this was permanent.<\/p>\n
But I had a feeling Jace had already heard too many promises from adults.<\/p>\n
Words weren\u2019t what he needed.<\/p>\n
So instead, I nodded toward the hallway.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know the dresser in your bedroom?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked confused.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI bought it because someone lives in that room.\u201d<\/p>\n
He said nothing.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe closet too.\u201d<\/p>\n
His mouth tightened.<\/p>\n
I continued carefully.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I understand now. You don\u2019t have to unpack because I tell you to. Whenever you\u2019re ready, you can use them.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jace didn\u2019t answer.<\/p>\n
The next morning, his bags were still packed.<\/p>\n
They were still packed the day after that.<\/p>\n
And the day after that.<\/p>\n
I forced myself to stop checking.<\/p>\n
If unpacking was going to mean something, it had to happen because Jace decided it meant something.
\nNot because we pressured him.<\/p>\n
About a week later, I walked past his bedroom.<\/p>\n
Then I stopped.<\/p>\n
The duffel bags were empty.<\/p>\n
One had been folded and placed inside the closet.<\/p>\n
His books were lined up on the shelf.<\/p>\n
His shoes were scattered beneath the bed.<\/p>\n
A hoodie hung crookedly from the back of his chair.<\/p>\n
To anyone else, it probably would have looked like an ordinary messy teenager\u2019s bedroom.<\/p>\n
To me, it looked like an answer.<\/p>\n
Jace appeared behind me carrying a bowl of cereal.<\/p>\n
He noticed me staring.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked around the room.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou unpacked.\u201d<\/p>\n
His ears immediately turned red.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t make it weird.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not making it weird.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou look like you\u2019re about to cry.\u201d<\/p>\n
I reached up and wiped my cheek.<\/p>\n
\u201cGo eat your cereal.\u201d<\/p>\n
A smile appeared on his face.<\/p>\n
Then he walked downstairs.<\/p>\n
And for the first time since Jace had arrived, there wasn\u2019t a packed bag sitting in his room waiting for somebody to change their mind.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Every family before us had been interested in four-year-old Josie\u2014until they learned that adopting her also meant welcoming her sixteen-year-old brother, Jace. My husband and I said yes to both … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4591,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4590","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-story"],"yoast_head":"\n