My baby had a 104-degree fever when my husband called his mother from the emergency room.<\/p>\n
She arrived in a wool coat thrown over what looked like pajamas, walked straight past me and our sick four-month-old daughter, grabbed her son\u2019s coat, shoved it into his hands, and announced that she was taking him home.<\/p>\n
Then she said the words I would never forget. \u201cHe didn\u2019t sign up for this much stress!\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t argue with her.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t scream.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t cry.<\/p>\n
Instead, I gave my husband one choice. And then I stood there and watched what he did.<\/p>\n
My daughter\u2019s name is Nora. She was four months old the night I realized that my husband had somehow convinced himself that fatherhood was optional.<\/p>\n
It was 11:30 p.m.<\/p>\n
I was holding Nora against my chest when I noticed how hot she felt.<\/p>\n
Not normally warm.<\/p>\n
Not the ordinary warmth babies have when they\u2019re sleeping. She was burning. I immediately grabbed the thermometer. I took her temperature once.<\/p>\n
Then again.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t trust the first number.<\/p>\n
The second reading was even worse.<\/p>\n
104.1 degrees.<\/p>\n
My heart dropped. Nora was crying against my shoulder, and I could feel her little body trembling. I called our pediatrician. I tried to keep my voice steady while explaining what was happening, but my voice kept breaking.<\/p>\n
The doctor didn\u2019t hesitate.<\/p>\n
\u201cTake her to the emergency room now,\u201d she told me. \u201cDon\u2019t wait to see if the fever comes down.\u201d<\/p>\n
I hung up and turned toward my husband.<\/p>\n
Ethan was standing in the kitchen wearing pajama pants.<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did she say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe need to go to the emergency room. Now.\u201d<\/p>\n
He closed his eyes.<\/p>\n
Then he muttered something that, at the time, I didn\u2019t fully understand.<\/p>\n
\u201cCould this night get any worse?\u201d<\/p>\n
I was too scared for Nora to think deeply about it.<\/p>\n
I grabbed the diaper bag.<\/p>\n
He grabbed his keys.<\/p>\n
And we left.<\/p>\n
At the time, I thought he was simply overwhelmed.<\/p>\n
I thought fear had made him say something stupid.<\/p>\n
I thought maybe, once we got to the hospital, he would become the father I believed he was.<\/p>\n
I was wrong.<\/p>\n
By two in the morning, we were still sitting in the emergency-room waiting area.<\/p>\n
Nora had screamed herself hoarse.<\/p>\n
Her cries had become weak, broken little sounds, and every time I heard one, my stomach twisted.<\/p>\n
I sat in a hard plastic chair with her tucked against me, rocking back and forth.<\/p>\n
I was terrified.<\/p>\n
Ethan paced near the vending machines.<\/p>\n
Every few minutes, he checked his phone.<\/p>\n
Then the clock.<\/p>\n
Then his phone again.<\/p>\n
Finally, he rubbed both hands over his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is ridiculous.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know this is taking a long time, but we\u2019re in the right place for her. They\u2019ll get to us soon.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t get it,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
He looked at his phone again.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have the presentation at nine.\u201d<\/p>\n
For a second, I honestly thought I had misheard him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re worried about the presentation?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked irritated.<\/p>\n
\u201cOur baby is burning up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t walk in there looking like I haven\u2019t slept,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cRight,\u201d I replied quietly. \u201cThat would be the real emergency.\u201d<\/p>\n
His jaw tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t get it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said. \u201cI think I\u2019m starting to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t start.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My baby had a 104-degree fever when my husband called his mother from the emergency room. She arrived in a wool coat thrown over what looked like pajamas, walked straight … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5138,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5137","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-story"],"yoast_head":"\n